Loneliness

It's (finally!) starting to feel like springtime here. Praise the Lord! Little Bud and I went on a walk around a lake this afternoon with two friends. It was a nice time - cold, windy, good company.

But I am lonely.

I need a best "girl" friend. I've always had trouble with friends - I'm different, have different interests, they move away, whatever. Now that I find myself in this crazy world of parenting, I am realizing that our parenting choices are creating a great divide in my friendships. Not the kind of divide that causes arguments, but the kind that ... well, here is an example. I've had trouble with mastitis/plugged ducts for my entire nursing career, and while it's really horrible, I am not ready to wean. Little Bud is not ready either. But when I complain about my problems and how I cannot find a solution, it's countered with, "Well, they say to get maximum benefits you only have to nurse for 6 months. You're well beyond that, he's fine." Or suggestions to let Little Bud cry it out when he wakes at night. Here's the thing about that - I'm NOT okay with the method, and he is waking because he needs me, he needs/wants to nurse. Granted, I should probably just shut up and quit complaining (I complain about it a lot), but it's really not THAT bad. Oh sure, I'd love to get a full night's sleep. But my baby needs me. So bottom line, my friends don't understand the way I parent, and the way that I parent is a huge part of who I am and what consumes my thoughts.

I am confident in the choices we are making as parents. I wish I had someone who understood, respected that, and could relate. That I got along with and had that special friend "connection." Lord, please bring me a such a friend.