Instinct... in parenting?

I am certain that as long as language has existed, so has advice about how to parent. You can't find a thrift store anywhere that doesn't have a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" (side note: a sign to its un-usefulness?!) and there's a whole section at the book store on the topic (parenting that is, not the efficacy of WTEWYE). There are methods and magazines, unsolicited advice at the grocery and church, and that ever condescending phrase, "Just you wait!"

I am a "girly girl." However, how I escaped childhood without owning a baby doll is beyond me. My only sibling, Annie, is only 3.5 years younger than me, and I grew up without a lot of babies around. Once, when I was perhaps 10 years old, I remember visiting a family friend who had recently given birth. I was sweating bullets at the thought of holding said baby, and here I was, a mere 14 years later, holding my own infant. Luckily, the hormone-overload I had going on after a fabulous all-natural birth blinded my fear of what to do next - after all, I didn't even have the childhood practice to go on.

Parenting. With so many options, what's a girl with no experience to do?

I think that in the early days of mama-hood, someone told me, "You'll know what to do. You will know in your heart; go with that." Yet everything my heart was telling me was contrary to the way I was raised (and the way that most of America raises their kids). I had succeeded in giving birth naturally, a feat that was scoffed at by most of my family (I tend to say I'm going to do grand things and then wimp out or lose interest, so this was a huge accomplishment personally, if not physically). Now I needed to "follow my heart" - what?! So I bought my cloth diapers, assembled the bassinet next to our bed, and tried breastfeeding. I did what I thought was best for my baby, but I was also flying by the seat of my pants.

{Note bene: There are so many topics to address here! Don't worry; I'll get to them in the future.}

Something that my husband and I did not anticipate was co-sleeping. When we first heard of it in our prenatal Bradley classes, we were apprehensive to say the least. Wasn't that dangerous? I'm a wild sleeper and have a hard time sleeping with my husband; wouldn't adding a baby to the mix be disastrous? What about "our space"?

But when we brought our Little Bud home from the hospital, co-sleeping didn't look so bad. In fact, it was my husband who suggested we try it. I was still nervous, so we asked our doula on her postpartum visit - of course she was in support of it. :)

Co-sleeping can be done in various ways. As a baby, our Little Bud slept in a bassinet next to our bed. We tried sleeping with him in our bed, but that did not always go so well - he got squirrely or I didn't sleep well (or at all). So we moved him into his own room - and he started waking a bunch at night to nurse. Then I came across an idea on a fantastic blog: drmomma.org We turned our convertible crib into a co-sleeper! By taking off one side of the crib (so it looks like it's toddler bed form) and attaching it to our bed frame with bungee cords - voila! Co-sleeper magic. Little Bud gets his room, we get ours, and he can nurse and go back to sleep without a peep. So excited.

(When we finished setting it up, we put him in it - he rolled around, explored, laughed - sort of like, "YES! You guys finally got this right. THIS is how we're supposed to sleep!")

After thinking about it for a bit, I realized - this is a very natural way to sleep. People for centuries have "shared sleep." I bet that Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus slept all together, snuggled on the hay and then again in their home in Nazareth. What caused the shift to separate sleeping? Maybe it was with the introduction of formula; women didn't need to have their babies next to them to breastfeed during the night. Maybe it was with more wealth - folks could afford to have separate rooms for babies. I don't know for sure, but the answer is out there somewhere. At any rate, it seems and feels natural, instinctual. That's something that I didn't expect - that given my lack of preparation for such a task as motherhood, that I could rely (to some degree) on instinct and it would work out for our family. And that other people would agree with us. Eureka!

It is funny, too - I feel that since we've started this arrangement, Little Bud has been happier. More connected to us. Perhaps I'm creating this in my mind; perhaps it's really true. At any rate, it's only going to be Night 3 tonight, but we love it so far. Enjoy some photos of the arrangement.

Long long story short - I have a feeling that instinct is going to play a big role in our choices as parents, and that is just fine. It's more than fine, actually, because it's the natural... instinctual way, if you will. :)