In the middle of the night...

...I go nursing my baby. Yes, the co-sleeping - not so much. Little Bud kept waking and wanting to nurse, to play, not to sleep. So for the past few nights he's been camping out in his Pack-n-Play in his nursery, and we've been sleeping solo.

I'm grateful that my husband is who he is for many reasons, and I am especially grateful that he is often more committed to this whole idea of attachment parenting than I. He said to me the other day, "Let's do this co-sleeping thing. It will take a few nights for us all to adjust and we'll be really tired, but let's start on Friday and we'll have the weekend to work it out." I'm glad he's here to keep me accountable, because I really do want to co-sleep, I'm just a wimp in the moment - hey, I like my sleep.

So, as we speak, my dear hubby is disassembling my beautiful white iron headboard/footboard and attaching the crib to the box spring of our mattress, which is now on the floor. (This was part of the deal - bed on the floor. I think I wasn't sleeping well also in part to the fact that I was afraid of Little Bud scooting off the bed and taking the 4 foot plunge to the hardwood floor. It was a high bed frame!) Little Bud is sleeping in his nursery again, but when he inevitably wakes, we'll bring him in with us. I have the best hubby ever. :)

Middle Eastern Noodles with Yogurt, Squash and Almonds for dinner! Hopefully soon - it's 9:17 p.m.

And hopefully, a good night's rest as well.

Loneliness

It's (finally!) starting to feel like springtime here. Praise the Lord! Little Bud and I went on a walk around a lake this afternoon with two friends. It was a nice time - cold, windy, good company.

But I am lonely.

I need a best "girl" friend. I've always had trouble with friends - I'm different, have different interests, they move away, whatever. Now that I find myself in this crazy world of parenting, I am realizing that our parenting choices are creating a great divide in my friendships. Not the kind of divide that causes arguments, but the kind that ... well, here is an example. I've had trouble with mastitis/plugged ducts for my entire nursing career, and while it's really horrible, I am not ready to wean. Little Bud is not ready either. But when I complain about my problems and how I cannot find a solution, it's countered with, "Well, they say to get maximum benefits you only have to nurse for 6 months. You're well beyond that, he's fine." Or suggestions to let Little Bud cry it out when he wakes at night. Here's the thing about that - I'm NOT okay with the method, and he is waking because he needs me, he needs/wants to nurse. Granted, I should probably just shut up and quit complaining (I complain about it a lot), but it's really not THAT bad. Oh sure, I'd love to get a full night's sleep. But my baby needs me. So bottom line, my friends don't understand the way I parent, and the way that I parent is a huge part of who I am and what consumes my thoughts.

I am confident in the choices we are making as parents. I wish I had someone who understood, respected that, and could relate. That I got along with and had that special friend "connection." Lord, please bring me a such a friend.